by Carlo D'Amore, a lifelong actor.
Your ship has yet to come in. It feels like you have been at this for a long time, but you don't have much to show for it. That actor friend you moved to the city with now has her television show. What are you doing? You're starting to doubt the choices you've made. The reality of working that restaurant job, or its equivalent, and sharing a small apartment when your contemporaries are buying houses and raising kids is weighing on you. Maybe acting isn't for you. It may be time to give up the dream.
But how do you know for sure?
You had so much hope in the beginning. While that blind hope has been mostly killed off by cold practicality, you still have moments in class, on stage on a Thursday night, or at the odd audition when it all feels right. You feel like you can do this. So, you go back and forth between investing even more in your acting career and considering moving back home to start a new life. One moment, you think, "Well, Gene Hackman, Jane Lynch, Kathryn Joosten, Samuel Jackson, and Jon Hamm didn't hit it big till later in their lives," and the next, you'll be paralyzed with bitterness and hopelessness, picking up extra shifts to pay the rent.
Every actor engages in that struggle, but the thought process is inherently flawed. The truth is that being an actor is not something one gives up. It is who you are. It is a deep need that exists in every molecule of your body to explore the depths of the human emotional experience and then find human connection in the expression of those feelings. Giving it up would be like giving up hunger, thirst, or the need for air, and it's arrogant to think you could.
Of course, here we must distinguish between acting as a deep need on the one hand and the desire to derive validation and piles of money from acting on the other. It is a noticeable distinction but one that many actors need to make. Actors who presumably started acting because they were profoundly moved on an emotional level by the magical human experience of acting move to L.A. suddenly; they think that acting means fame and fortune. They're ready to stop acting if they don't get the big house and have hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers in the first few years. "I gave it a shot, but it didn't happen for me." This is ridiculous. Reducing acting to a title measured by money and fans- even if you have those things- is a dangerous game that kills your craft and stunts your career.
Of course, every actor has to figure out how to make a living, which often means working at some other job. But that doesn't mean you stop acting. You couldn't if you tried. It's who you are. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You have to have other interests. It makes you a better actor! Even the most successful actors have different things going on: children's charities, aid to Darfur, raising kids, producing, writing, directing, painting, or teaching. Only bitter old fools say things like “Those who can’t teach.” Have a whole life. Have multiple sources of income. Act whenever and however you can. But remember, being an actor is not a choice.
You are an actor.
The sooner you commit fully to that notion and permit yourself to be an actor, the sooner you'll achieve the career you want, whether you've booked a pilot this year or not. Your job will slow down, and then it will pick up again. Then, it will slow down again. You will manage your life's ups and downs, but you will always be an actor. No one can take that from you. Not even you.
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